The Unorthodox Tales
Theophenes sat on the stool and ordered a keg of wine."A whole keg?" the barkeep said, raising his eye at the large figure.
Theophenes sat on the stool and ordered a keg of wine.
"A whole keg?" the barkeep said, raising his eye at the large figure.
"Yes. Is that so peculiar?" the tall one quipped. He then calmly said in a large voice which was purposely muffled down to a dull roar, "I drink quite a lot. And just one side of a cow, please, or actually just a rack of lamb. I shouldn't overeat as I would like to travel in the morn. And barkeep?" The large fellow asked politely.
"Yes, what?" the bar keep asked, getting a little irritated.
"Do you have any knowledge of some good bounties? I'm itching for a good fight these days, and I thank you in advance for some quick service with this," he handed the halfling on the counter some small jewels and a gold ring. "How much will the meal be?" He asked.
"That's enough to buy me store, so tonight you'll have my best room and anything else but me daughters." the barkeep smiled.
"Fine then," he said, "in that case, I guess everyone's drinks are on me. Keep the change, and just relax tonight. And I'm sorry for the fights that might occur around me. I happen to have trouble following me, and it always-"
CRASH! A girl came flying through the window. Theo was the only one knowing that underneath all that armor was a woman, but she wore genuine battle armor. She looked like a tank with a sword, but he knew she was actually pretty nice when you didn't give her a pick-up line or a death threat. Or when she was in a robe instead of a suit of armor. Speaking of robes, he needed to mend his. He looked ratty, and that was no way for the K'norr fire priest to be shown. He then looked at the girl in the armor. This was not right. "You are not Lynn," he said.
"How can you tell?" the feminine voice said seductively.
"Lynn smells of sweat, blood, and steel," Theophenes said "you smell like magic powder, and dust from old books. This will hurt. Much. Bye" He then pulled his massive arm out of his red curtain sized full-body cloak, grabbed the illusionist mage, and threw him far out the window. "Never try to deceive a minotaur's nose."
Others looked at him with little surprise, because at the Belching Boar throwing people out of a window when you were tense was normal. They were confused as to what a minotaur was doing in a bar.
Lynn, the real one, then walked in, tired, and with the old mithril helmet she normally used to make it little known she's a female, in her hand. She spoke: "Can anyone here manage my wound?" She took her other hand off of her head and showed a nasty gash. She looked at the crowd stonily and sighed. "I guess you wimps haven't seen real combat." They were all shocked to see such a nasty gash, except for Theo. In all fairness, you could even see parts of her brain. It was definitely not helping anyone's appetite.
Theo came over, walked to her, his hands glowing. "Sartek aid me as I heal her wound with the divine flame of a warriors touch," he said as he used a small flame to cauterize the wound.
"Nice trick, Theo," Lynn said. "Burns like everything, though. Can't you learn some gentler healing spells? Or are you minotaurs as stupid as they say?"
"Call me stupid again and I won't heal a gash, I'll give you a worse one."
The halfling looked up. "Do da two o'ye want te share a room fer de night, or do ye prefer to-"
Lynn then picked up the barkeep and looked him dead on, "Listen here, you pig, we are warriors. I am not some sex toy or temptress. However, if you want to lose some parts, I'll be glad to oblige you, alright?" She turned to talk to the room. "And if any of you stupid thugs try to mess with me while I get some sleep tonight, I must warn you I always have a knife at my side." She then looked at the barkeep again. "How much for a room?"
"It's already been paid for, as well as every drink in the tavern tonight. Thanks to that Theo o'yours. He seems to be as interested in fighting as you, but a little more polite if I may be so blunt." The halfling said charmingly.
Theo looked through the bounties and found one worth 2,000 gold pieces he decided was interesting. "Seeking powerful mercenaries. Need for liberating oppressed people. Contact Ganorashi." He noticed the bounty because unlike most, it was in orcish writing. He wondered why orcs would run bounties, as they usually did things themselves, and if they did hire someone, they usually didn't hire someone who read. "Who is Ganorashi?" Theo asked the room, "Who is he!"
"Strange one, you do not wish to meet Ganorashi. You are a fool and too young to be useful to him." An aged voice in the corner said.
"Listen Gano, you may be an orc shaman, but I am a K'norr. I can help you. So can Lynn. Am I wrong, Lynn?"
"No, sounds grand. It'd better be a challenge though; I hate the idea of fighting a bunch of wimps."
"Fine," the old orc shaman muttered, "but tonight you should sleep. You need your rest. Tomorrow we ride," he said, his beard glistening and his old runic necklace gleaming. Then we shall see whether you have the resolve to fight alongside the others."
They went to their rooms and tried to sleep. Little did they know so little sleep would be very hard to gain. . .