Clamorxian Decoding Method

The Clamorxian Decoding Method was most famously used on the epic poem Bordingbras his hatt!, which contained the encoded AuroAlchemical and TheoAlchemical secrets given to the Looliers by their goddess Kiluma. In an interesting twist of fate, the Clamorxian Decoding Method was itself part of the alchemical processes, and is itself encoded in Bordingbras his hatt!. It is unclear how anyone knew about the Decoding Method in the first place, since it is needed to decode the text where it can be found, although the paradoxically reciprocal nature of the dilemma is characteristic of many of the things Kiluma has created. Sugar Beet!

However it was first discovered, the Clamorxian Decoding Method was rediscovered by Ibaan Malmiz in -119 EC, exactly 20 years -- to the day -- before his disappearance and presumed death in -99 EC. Ser Malmiz studied Bordingbras his hatt!, the only known surviving Loolier text, as part of his Hive-Lord Question, and being absolutely certain that there was some sort of message hidden within, began applying various decoding procedures until some sort of sense came out of them. The strategies he employed became more and more complex until, in desperation, he attempted what would later turn out to be the Clamorxian Decoding Method. The Method is quite complex, and includes a set of spoken incantations and a small dance routine in its processes as well as the letter substitution and rearrangement techniques that are part of most conventional decoding methods, so it is unclear exactly how Malmiz stumbled upon it by chance, but stumble upon it he did. The very first thing he successfully decoded with the Clamorxian Decoding Method was the instructions for the Clamorxian Decoding Method, which left him slightly paranoid in his later years.

Upon discovering the Method, Ser Malmiz immediately tried to market it for all its worth. Clamorxian Decoding rings, however, did not sell well at all, and the dance routine that makes up part of the method failed miserably when performed artistically in front of an audience -- almost none of the audience members could sit still long enough. While the Method was not a financial success, it was a great academic success, but Ser Malmiz was unable to successfully patent the Method, and soon moved on to other things.

Since its discovery, the Clamorxian Decoding Method has been used to decode millions of ancient texts of various sorts, although since none of these texts were written by the Looliers, none of the decoded texts -- save one -- have contained anything but gibberish. Still, it is considered standard academic practice for the Clamorxian Decoding Method to be used on any new manuscripts that turn up on the oft chance that something unexpected will happen.

There is one case in which the application of the Method did prove valid: in -10 EC, in one of the most controversial finds in the history of science, the only known bit of lucidity in a non-Loolier Clamorxian Decoded text was discovered. The “Djiknax Creation Manuscripts”, found near the source of the Qestarius River, were decoded via the Clamorxian Method as per procedure, which resulted in a long string of random letters and numbers EXCEPT for a small segment near the middle of the text that rather ominously read “Teh huor of dooom is upon us all! Sargewoold Pedresq, yor mothre is s a nincomppoop!” along with the number 4274049, which is believed to indicate the exact “huor” that “dooom” will be upon us all. Some scholars believe that this whole phrase appearing in the text is nothing more than a coincidence, and point to the spelling mistakes and the fact that the rest of the text only turns up gibberish as usual.

Some scholars (and some random wackos) point out that a Richard Pedresq was present at the decoding, and that his daughter is due to have a baby very soon, although she doesn’t intend to name it Sargewoold. These scholars suggest that the message is a genuine warning of some cataclysmic event. Then there are those, such as myself, who believe that the whole thing is an elaborate hoax. In any case, the manuscripts are now locked in a vault at the Bureau of Regained Knowledge, which is a shame since the non-decoded surface content of the manuscripts is rich and fascinating in detail, and could provide a wealth of information if any scholars were actually able to read and study it. Citations Bordingbras his hatt!, Djiknax Creation Manuscripts, Ibaan Malmiz.

--Dfaran L'Eniarc 13:57, 31 May 2005 (EDT)

My fellow Scholar, hoax could not be farther from the truth! That's right, I said it! Shall I remind you that far too many linguists cut up letters and cyphers like popped feffercandy?!? I have seen a copy of that inscription (never mind you how) and it plainly says: tehouro fdooome - that's correct, the very name of a dark god inhabiting the great Out There. As for the rest of that sentence, I'm still working on it. --Nikos of Ant 15:30, 31 May 2005 (EDT)

Of course, we are all entitled to our own opinions, but it seems evident to me that the dark gods inhabiting the great "Out There" are perfectly capable of spelling Nincompoop the way it is meant to be spelled. Of course, I am not a dark god myself, so it is hard for me to say. Perhaps none of them can spell worth a packet of peeved pyxies. --Dfaran L'Eniarc 17:42, 2 Jun 2005 (EDT)

I have it on good authority that tehouro fdooome never did anything. As a dark god, she was good at being dark and mysterious, but she never really performed any miracles or curses. And, in the Out There, she is considered a semi-mythological deity. I'm still not sure how they came up with her only being semi-mythological instead of fully mythological, but I'm sure they have their reasons. Back to the topic at hand, 4274049 is the just a fluffer number. The real meat of that sentence is the four characters immediately following 4274049, which I notice you conveniently didn't provide. It's probably good that you didn't since it could easily provide some nincompoop the means to bring about the hour of doom described. --Trousle Undrhil 02:05, 3 Jun 2005 (EDT)


 * Why should I have provided them? They are meaningless! The whole thing is clearly a hoax! The proof is when oddball conspiracy theorists invent their OWN LANGUAGES just to prove that "Sargewoold" is not a name but a title meaning "destroyer" or some such - if such elaborate fabrications are required to maintain the feasibility of such a bizarre theory... Besides, any reputable dark god would just go and TELL us an hour of doom was upon us instead of making it so complicated. --Dfaran L'Eniarc 16:47, 3 Jun 2005 (EDT)


 * Ah, but you see? The dark god did give us the hour of doom.  She can't help that the person she gave it to wanted to be difficult about giving it out to the rest of the world.  And, uh ... "Sargewood" is derived from the combination of saergo and gwoud which translates, roughly, to "destruction automaton".  So, quite literally, "Sargewood" does, in fact, mean "destroyer". --Trousle Undrhil 17:32, 3 Jun 2005 (EDT)


 * Ha! my dear scholars, the closest that document speaks of an hour of doom is its cryptic reference to nincompoop which, when decoded using the numerological studies of Farfenwood translate to "when the pachy-trains run on time." Dfaran, I do agree that the passage has nothing to do with an hour of doom, but it does have something to do with the dark god who lives on the third star of the little spoon in the great Out There.  It is only a matter of time before we know what.  --Nikos of Ant 18:15, 3 Jun 2005 (EDT)

Humph. Next you're going to say that the Deathood are involved. --Dfaran L'Eniarc 01:26, 10 Jun 2005 (EDT)