DasMineGold


 * "Oooite is nifty." -popular saying, attributed to Gadsringer Clubberspear.

It is rumored that at the first general meeting of DasMineGold, Gadsringer Clubberspear, who was the founder and first President of DasMineGold, opened the three-day gala with these immortal words. Annoyingly, the Bureau of Regained Knowledge is being a little pile of splak and has yet to release the minutes of that meeting to verify this rumor.

However, since Clubberspear has stepped down, DasMineGold has degraded to the point of being an unethical corporation holding a monopoly on oooite mining. The very thought of it makes me vomit. However, it is an entry which must be told, and tell it I will.

Gadsringer Clubberspear (-92 to -42 EC)
Clubberspear originally founded DasMineGold in response to a bet undertaken from some of his buddies - he gained the total sum of fifty quezloos after proving that he could, in fact, create a mining corporation worth more than a thousand. According to a popular story, when the bet was collected Clubberspear came close to blowing the fifty quezloos on something shiny (he was known for his lack of common sense), but was dissuaded when he realized that it was actually just painted shiny, and would easily scratch off. What is known, however, is that Clubberspear continued at the reigns of DasMineGold, kept the company all about mining, and led them to record profits (Despite constant cajoling, threats, etc., the BORK has refused to give exact numbers for the profits obtained).

At first, DasMineGold was mining various different types of resources, including highly prized minerals (what exactly they were, is unavailable - thanks a lot, BORK) but when Clubberspear acquired the Azura Mines, home to 71% of Ghyll's supply of oooite, the other mines suffered from neglect, which contributed heavily to the next president, Himminfen, selling them.

Mack Himminfen (-41 to -7 EC)
Completely corrupt and credited with the rising monopoly and shift away from public input, Himminfen was a complete jerk. One of the first acts of his presidency was to sell virtually all the mines, except for of course, the real money-maker - the Azura Mines. He was offered the position only because no one else would take it (too stressful, they claimed, but there were rumors at the time, completely unfounded mind you, that the Amphitheatre aristocracy was going to cause trouble for the next president) and he accepted and continued only for the money. His annual salary was estimated at 200,000 quezloos a year. He also frequently accepted "contributions" (bribes) from other corporations including, it is believed, a mansion in lower Evesque Valley, although the only source that has mentioned this is Aliens Everywhere.

When Himminfen realized that profits were sinking faster than a stone in fefferberry wine, he decided to sell the company to the highest bidder - except, without the bidding. He just sort of gave it away to Godfroi Hasawithe. It is believed that when he sold DasMineGold and stepped down from the presidency (most likely to avoid the negative repercussions to come), he himself received 600,000 quezloos personal payment from Hasawithe, and a "going-away package" of 200,000 quezloos from the company itself.

Jack Marksfields (-6 EC to Present)
Marksfields has had little time to fight the fight left for him by his predecessor, but it appears he has had little interest in doing so. He mostly seems to ride the wave which ever way it may be taking him. Most recently he has, after moderate public pressure, approved the DasMineGold Center for Azurian Inquiry, which claims to be an outpost of the Aminfarances Institute of Science and Technomancy. It operates in association with the mines in investigating the economic and sculptural possibilities of the ore. Current projects include various types of dwellings, the NeoPostAncientism mobiles now on display at the Zaprosingfrink Gallery, and "something shiny", which they've refused to comment on.

Citations: Azura Mines, Gadsringer Clubberspear, NeoPostAncientism.

--Sir Robert G. Head III 21:20, 10 Jun 2005 (EDT)