Folktown Records

The Folktown Records is a newspaper published in Folktown every Ulfsday. It has published over 650 issues in the 13 years (as of 0) since its founding. The term "newspaper" is only somewhat applicable; although some of the editorial content of each issue is actual news, a great deal of it consists of questions sent in by readers (especially children, some of them as young as 11) and answers concocted by the staff.

Like most newspapers, the Folktown Records is supported entirely by advertising, and actually loses more money the more papers it sells, since papers are sold well below cost. Though it might seem reasonable on the basis of these facts not to sell any copies at all, this would obviously lead to the immediate loss of advertising revenue, so it cannot be done.

The term agony uncle is often applied to the employees of the Folktown Records. All scholars who have discussed the point agree that the term is sometimes derogatory, but they disagree sharply on whether the term is becoming more or less derogatory and in whose usage. The most appropriate policy is probably to avoid the term altogether, unless one actually works there.

The Folktown Records occupies a suite of rooms on the sixth floor of the so-called "Waffle-Iron Building" (named for its shape) in downtown Folktown. The staff works in a large open space, usually called the "aelfant-pen"; the editors, however, have private offices. There is a small break room for the use of the staff when not reading letters, writing answers, or filing stories; this room contains a table on which various members of the staff often leave home-baked sweets for the enjoyment of their colleagues. The newspaper is printed in the LaBrecque Printing Plant on the second floor of the same building.

The Folktown Records is wholly owned by the Huacs, a well-known and wealthy Wakanpantricist family of the Southern sect. There is frequently talk among the employees that the Huacs are selling out either to their soi-disant hated rivals the Grommies, owners of the Iganefta Recorder, or else to a consortium of the senior editors. Nothing ever seems to come of these rumors, however.

In addition to the weekly issues, the Folktown Records runs a special issue (which is not numbered) on the day following each of the Calends Galas, unless indeed that coincides with the publication date of a regular issue, in which case the regular issue takes its place.

No article about the Folktown Records would be complete without mention of the famous issue #316, which recounted the death -- on the very Day of Champions -- of Iain Underholm Smallwood, the uncle-in-law of Baron Smallwood. The then Baron actually melted under the combined effects of externally applied Adlorst wine and Ball Lightning Liqueur. This issue sold so well that no less than four printings were required, three on the day of issue and a fourth five days later, in order to meet the pent-up demand. The paper's finances took several years to recover completely.

The Folktown Records also runs poetry and fiction, some of it written by the staff, but a good deal of it by unpaid contributors who either live in Folktown and its environs or else are considered by the staff to be especially talented. The Folktown Records is considered a newspaper of record by the Folktown courts, and consequently the lume on which it is printed is made from acid-free high-quality darseed-pulp rather than the usual wood pulp. The Folktown Records prefers to refer to itself as The Folktown Records, a practice not followed by other publications, including this encyclopedia.

Citations: Agony uncle, Grommies, Iain Underholm Smallwood.

--John Cowan 01:21, 16 Oct 2004 (EDT)

Concocted? Dear sir, the answers are entirely factual! --Morbus Iff 20:53, 18 Oct 2004 (EDT)

I was of course, using the term in its original or etymological sense of cooked together. You will not claim, I suppose, that just because roast Sphoxolis fruit is produced by cookery, that it is therefore not a real vegetable? --John Cowan 17:02, 3 Nov 2004 (EST)