Jackie Tuckarando

The following is transcribed from a recovered recollectiball recording, and seems to prove the illegal activities of "Jackie Tuckarando". Unfortunately, Mr. Tockanski is a corinthos - a criminal upon which no legal conviction will stick, even though everyone knows he's as guilty as a march hare. His lawyers have already proved, and magnimoniusly staged, a recreation of the recording using the "highly illegal tuckarando, which we beg the court to allow for the sake of clearing our client's name." Plausible doubt was established, and Jackie went home, as he always does.

Anonymous (A): So, uh, what's so special about this one?

A creaky door is heard opening.

Jack "Jackie Tuckarando" Tockanski (JT): Tell me what you see.

A: A tuckarando.

The Tuckarando (TT): A tuckarando.

A: Wow, that sounds jus...

TT: Wow, that sounds just like me.

A: But, how... I didn't ev...

TT: ...complete that sentence.

JT: This, m'boy, is the first of many. A new breed. Tuckarandos, with the power of forethought and foreshadowing. Just imagine: instead of killing someone and losing the combination to their cache, have my tucks listen, learn, and become, and then do the mark away. All the secrets, none o' the fuss. Prop 'is body up, stick a tuck in 'is throat, nicely slitted for proper placement, and no one'll be none the wiser.

A: But, how... this...

TT: ...is amazing!

JT: That's what happens when you get the Q&Ps working with an AE.

JT: Well, it's about time now, I think. I'd like to thank you.

TT: I'm not sure what you mean.

A and TT together: Stop that!

JT: Oh, come now. You... you honestly believe I'd tell you this because I liked you? Because you have potential? Dear boy, you are nothing more than an incubator.

A and (TT) together: OwwW(w), my fe(et) oh my (creator) (no) You ba(stard)!

JT: How long has it been since your last pedicure?

''A mixture of screams, laughing, and the sound of a door closing. A thud is heard, presumably the victim hitting the ground, which caused enough damage to the recollectiball to halt recording. The final sounds are very faint, but have been identified as Jack (Purportedly. --Burgengute) saying "'P'Jubal Lives!", followed by the laughter of two or three unknown companions.''

Citations: P'Jubal, Recollectiball, Tuckarando.

--Morbus Iff 10:54, 29 Jul 2005 (EDT)