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EUPHORIA, the abbreviation for EctoMechanaut Use Protestors Horrified at Obvious Racketeering of Intelligent Alchentities, is an organization of Ghyllians dedicated to taking civilized Ghyll back to the Pebble Ages, or at least that is how they are described by the executives of GMG and FMC, and one Zarf Berstin (although his relocation to within the Zyrgian Asylum makes his opinions quite controversial). Members of EUPHORIA counter that they are truly out for the better interests of all Ghyll, as well as the moral high-ground of a civilized society.

The Euphotesters (as they have come to be known in most parts) have openly called GMG and FMC bullies and thugs caring only for the bottom line. They have accused both businesses of participating in baiting, bullying, biting and other activities carried out in furtherance of their respective enterprises as well as using other forms of force and intimidation to create an advantage in their fields. GMG filed a lawsuit against EUPHORIA in -6 EC, while FMC filed in -5 EC, for violations of Civil Code 422.5(n): Use of Words in the Furtherance of Antagonistic Intentions. EUPHORIA has since countersued under CC 509.23(g): Use of the Court System to Obfuscate, Denigrate and Trammel People Not Very Much Liked. Though representatives of EUPHORIA argue that the not very much liked aspect doesn't truly apply to them, they agree that this statute was pretty much the only one they could use with some hopes of winning. All four suits are currently in the system and may well remain there for quite some time as the legal Pitchers on both sides are still compiling papers in favor of their positions (what these papers might be has not been revealed as Adjudicator-in-Chief Whanmoore Payne has put a gag order on all parties). An estimated ready date has been set for the 20th of E in 3 EC.

From a judicial stance these cases are quite ordinary, "a matter of splik and splak" as the saying goes. However, from a political view these cases have evolved a mandible of their own: the first question was one of jurisdiction as EUPHORIA is headed from the Dulalian Empire, GMG from Iganefta (a veritable city-state), and FMC from Folktown. Generally, jurisdiction stems from whichever court has the best spa and massage, but in this case not a single Mayor, Meister, Rejah or Townclerk wanted to touch it. The main factor is the cost involved: holding hearings, housing litigants, hosting buy-off fundraisers, and warehousing the crates of documents already rumored to be assembled. Luckily for the Empire, Iganefta, and Folktown, the Principality of Jurra has accepted jurisidiction and offered the Township of Ingotburrough as site for all future court proceedings.


What does EUPHORIA stand for? Besides the obvious as stated in its very name, the members proclaim a fierce loyalty to finding the answer to the question of whether the Alchemical Intelligence (A.Int) in EctoMechanauts is capable of contemplating the Spiritual. This question became integrated into their philosophy after the mysterious disappearance of Bolma Knengsken-Drasselmeyer’s Hive-Lord in -37 EC. Though the Brothers of the Lantern have meditated on this question and have crafted several answers, none of them are satisfactory to the membership of EUPHORIA. The answer of this question has become even more critical (in the minds of the membership) after the Darkened Lantern Incident, but the average Ghyllian-on-the-road is quite content to not even think about it as the answer won’t help them pay their expenses or get them a bigger water-closet.

Also core to their philosophy is their definition of alchentity. The standard Enpsycholopedia (as published in University) states: "an alchentity is an object with any form of alchemical life energy." They then leave out any mention of what alchemical life energy actually is, stating that it should be left to the musings of poets, painters and the occasional roadside therapist. The members of EUPHORIA, however, have gone to the trouble (emphasis on trouble) to define the undefinable: "alchemical life energy is that energy able to make things happen and is judged lowest to highest by the correspondent happened things, inner and outer, of said energy and to the object to which it is imbued when, not if, said object to which it is imbued makes happen, causes, incites, or otherwise acts in such a degree or manner that it is apparent that knowledge, thought, or wisdom do indeed reside therein the object and stem from said energy." Besides the obvious fact that members of EUPHORIA love to hear themselves speak, and that they make incredible legal Pitchers (a fact which makes the executives of both GMG and FMC very nervous), their contention results in what is described by some as a moral dilemma. This dilemma is summed up by the maxim: if it walks like a stinkbug, works like a stinkbug, smells like a stinkbug, then it is a stinkbug, namely Mechanauts and their Ecto cousins are as equally alive and as sentient as us. For this fantastic and not commonly held belief, the members have been called mud-lovers, rock-huggers, and stick-talkers, as well as fools, heretics, and simply confused (the majority of said statements can be found on page 26 of the FMC suit against them).


As to their activities, most members of EUPHORIA live in the Dulalian Empire and so the average Folktowner, Iganeftar, and Odlucian have little to worry about as far as public displays of protest are concerned. The closest to a mass protest occurred in -2 EC when the unfortunate incident of the Littered Carapace took place. The most well-known of their activities is the annual Liberation of the Brothers. It is known by most adults who care about such things that in -9 EC two Brothers of the Lantern interred themselves within the Zyrgian Asylum. These two were the last living research brothers who delved into EctoMechanauts and alchemical life energies beginning back in the -20s EC. Since -9 EC members of EUPHORIA have taken it upon themselves to force these two brothers to unforget what they learned or think they have learned. Of course, the only way to accomplish this is to enter the asylum, find the Brothers and release them, hence, the Liberation. It is also important to note that, since -9 EC, numerous members of this organization have entered but not exited the asylum, presumably due to forgetting whatever they knew or thought they knew before entering said establishment. Occasional questions on the whereabouts of these members have produced no reliable answers by representatives of the asylum (the most common being: never heard of him).

EUPHORIA and the Brotherhood

The Brothers of the Lantern say little about EUPHORIA even though it seems this group of men play an intertwined role within the lives of that membership. Of note is the fact that both the Brotherhood and EUPHORIA share a common society as both are quartered in the Dulalian Empire - the Brothers in the Eastern Province, EUPHORIA in the Sudari Province. Coincidence or connection? Not for this scholar to decide.

Citations: Dulalian Empire, EctoMechanauts, Littered Carapace.

--Nikos of Ant 22:44, 13 Jun 2005 (EDT)

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