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The traditional rules of the pastime of Hoopkah are fairly simple, as is the equipment. A flat area no larger than four unanits to a side is divided into four quadrants of roughly equal size. A hoop and ball are used. The ball is a modern replacement for the traditional flergit beast bladder. The hoop can be made of wicker or woven reeds or, in professional play, it is often made of studier driftwood.

The two players are positioned in quadrants of opposing corners. Traditionally they are the southernmost and northernmost quadrants but there does not seem to be any reason for this. A "flurry" begins when the first player – the baller - throws the ball at his opponent. The opponent – the hooper - has to toss his hoop at the other player. Each player tries to dodge the projectiles by leaping into one of the adjoining squares. At the end of each flurry, the roles of baller and hooper are reversed and a new flurry begins. A game is played to 16 flurries.

This sport has become a favorite among school children and many school hoopkah leagues are forming. Professional hoopkah is still in its infancy but the real stars of the game today are mostly of Keglacian heritage.

The leaders of the Evesque Valley Hoopkah Club for the past five years are:

-4 ECFolktown Flergit Beasts
-3 ECIganefta Fefferberrys
-2 ECFolktown Flergit Beasts
-1 ECFolktown Flergit Beasts
0 ECCranee Deathbugs

Terms, Scoring, and Penalties

If a player was struck by a hoop and not encircled by it he is called "bumped."</dd>

If a player is struck by a hoop and has any limb appendage or body part still within the circumference of the hoop when he stops dodging he is “hooped”.</dd>

If a player is not struck by a hoop but has any limb appendage or body part within the circumference of the hoop when he stops dodging he is “hoopkahed”.</dd>

If a player is struck in the body or limbs by the ball but catches it he is “bunted”.</dd>

If a player is struck by the ball anywhere and does not catch it he is “bounced”.</dd>

If a player catches the ball without it striking his body the player is “safe”.</dd>

At the end of the flurry, points are scored as follows. If both players land in the same square, points are awarded in reverse. A referee is generally present at these games and determines the scoring as well as assesses penalties. The penalties fall into four categories:

Score TypeHooperBaller
  1. Aim Penalties
    1. Throwing out of bounds
    2. Not throwing at the opponent
    3. Throwing too hard.
  2. Timing Penalties
    1. Moving after a dodge
    2. Throwing before the flurry has begun
    3. Throwing after the dodge
  3. Foul Penalties
    1. Throwing at vulnerable anatomy
    2. Rocking (using a rock instead of a ball)
    3. Shoving
    4. Hitting
  4. Movement Penalties
    1. Rebounding (bouncing a ball or hoop back)
    2. Dodging out of the playing field
    3. Dodging twice

Many of these moves can be valid tactics, since the points are still awarded even if the player commits a penalty since the judge can only penalize any player by plus or minus 1 point. The judge can however balance things by penalizing both players – one positively and one negatively. This can backfire, however, since committing five penalties or more in a game may get you kicked out.

--Stottlemeyer O'Phelan 20:39, 18 Jan 2005 (EST)

Citations: Grimporke Grimoire, Keglacians, unanit.

Fur as yt hys ben sed, yt nw hys ben dun; symthong unnormil fawlows Crank. --Stottlemeyer O'Phelan 20:56, 18 Jan 2005 (EST)

Although we had previously banned Stottlemeyer O'Phelan for theft, it appears that not all of our copiers were informed of this fact (Don't foot around the fefferberry, you forgot to tell me! Me! Your chief copier! --Burgengute). As such, another of "his" articles, this time based on the notes of Dr. H.L. Ackroyd, has been printed after the scheduled deadline. Further investigation suggests Stottlemeyer resurfaced in response to Doctor Phineas Crank's recent entry on the Night of Cloaks and Daggers. While we feared there would be some animosity from O'Phelan after we discovered his original theft of Crank's earlier work, we never expected what appears to be a threat in pre-Modern Standard Ghyllian. We'd like to formally apologize to both Dr. H.L. Ackroyd and Doctor Phineas Crank for this continued harassment, and will strive to ensure it doesn't happen again (Hmf! --Burgengute). --The Encyclopedants

Actually, in Burgentute's defense, he did inadvertedly tip me off that this might be happening when he came around the other day to my cubicle and offered me insider information on the upcoming Hoopkah tourney. He said that he had seen the results of the match in print and told me he was going to get some chums to go in on a bet with a friend of his. I quickly went to my notes to check on his information and found my draft of this article missing. That, and I lost my bet on the Fefferberrys when they lost to the Deathbugs. I never dreamed I would be robbed twice. --Dr. H. L. Ackroyd 22:31, 20 Jan 2005 (EST)

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