Quezlar family

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The Quezlar family are, without question, the most wealthy family in all of Ghyll, and have been for at least the last eight generations. The current batch of Quezlars are influential in politics, the arts, the sciences, and the theater. While the fortune of earlier generations is showing signs of dwindling slightly, particularly in the years following the Darkened Lantern, they are still the primary funders of the Council for Quezlarian Research, and the shining luminaries of the Amphitheatre aristocracy.

The legacy of the Quezlars started in -202 EC, when Quinto Quaffmar "Quaff More" Quezlar founded what was to become the core of the Quezlar fortune. When the first barrel of Quezlar's Quaff rolled out of back of Quinto's barn, he was on the verge of being destitute and had sunk his remaining funds into the fefferberries and the barrel. The techniques he used to make that wine remain a secret to this very day. Every few decades, rumors and urban legends surface about the secret recipe, but the Quezlars remain tightly closed-mouthed about it, and never rise to temptation to dispute the rumors.

It is this secrecy, more than anything, which has contributed to the consistent high sales, and high prices, of the Quezlar wines, which now include a selection of Adlorst Vinifera wines, as well as the traditional Quezlar's Quaff.

The Quezlar Line

The Quezlar line goes something like this:

Quinto Quaffmar "Quaff More" Quezlar

(-238 to -182 EC) Founded Quezlar's Quaff, Inc., and started the accumulation of the vast wealth enjoyed by all Quezlar's following him. Died -182 EC of "the liver rot", probably induced by his habit if drinking himself into unconsciousness each and every evening.

X R Quezlar

(-209 to -114 EC) Inherited empire from his father Quinto, and was saved from losing it all purely by its already enormous size and by the fact that his son arranged to have him locked away in the funny farm after just thirteen years of managing the company. He died a very old man, raving about THE VOICES to anyone who would listen. His main contribution was the enormouse golden stein, which he claimed to have wrested away from the dread giant Grephthosthenes. The stein went missing upon his death, and remains a central part of Fefferberry Folklore to this day. For the record, though many silly people have speculated as to what the X and the R stood for, this scholar has in his possession a copy of X R's birth certificate, and his name was simply "X R".

Rhajoon Quezlar

(-179 to 100 EC) Wrested control of the company from his father at the absurdly young age of 10. Rhajoon was a "squeezing wrenching grasping scraping clutching covetous old sinner", to quote one contemporary source. Even at the age of 10, he was a shrewd businessman. He never drank a drop of his own product, but embarked on a carefully calculated plan to ensnare all of Ghyll in the addiction to Fefferberry. He concoted large parts of the Fefferberry Folklore, and even went to the point of forging historic documents and hiring archaelogists to dig them up, in order to increase the mythos. The people of Ghyll - particularly those with substantial wealth - fell for this completely, and the future of the Quezlars was assured. Even when his fraud was exposed, it was all taken as a fine joke, and only increased the appeal of the sweet wines. When Rhajoon died, he was given a hero's funeral, and for many years, his birthday was celebrated with drunken parties lasting two or three days. Rhajoon held all of his customers in the most complete contempt, and considered it a great joke that he was held in such high regard.

I make them inebreiated, and they adore me. I take their money - huge amounts of it - for inferior wine, and they love me. I lie to them, mock them, and scorn them. They know it, and still they worship me. Were I to spit on them, I have no doubt they would cheer and call out for my sainthood. More! More! they cry, and plummet down the road to their own perdition. Fools. (from "Letters to friends".)

Rhajoon Quezlar III

(-148 to -99 EC) Ran the company for just one year before his death. He lived his entire life in the shadow of his famous father. Indeed, even his name was a joke. There was no Rhajoon II, for Rhajoon the elder felt that such was too great a gift to bestow on anyone. But he felt that an offspring of his should bear his name. So he called him Rhajoon III, and always referred to him as "Three." Three never dared to drink Quezlar's Quaff while his father lived. However, at the wake of the old man, Three got hugely ripped, and was never again sober another moment of his life. He died peacefully during a three hour board meeting one day, and nobody is quite certain just how long it was before anyone noticed.

Mo Quezlar

(-116 to -65 EC) Innovated the line of offerings to other beverages, including Fefferberry juice for children, and Frozen Fefferpops, as well as experimenting with Adlorst. His personal experimentation with Adlorst made him one of the leading experts, but his attempts to introduce Adlorst into the Quezlar line of products was a complete failure, since the customers expected something far more low-brow. By this time, however, the production and sale of Quezlar's Quaff had achieved the status of an institution, and there was little that Mo could have done to stem the flow of wealth.

Rhajoon Quezlar II

(-95 to -58 EC) Apparently Mo thought that his darling son was good enough to be named Rhajoon II. Rhajoon II was a complete layabout. He was the president of the corporation, at least in name, from the death of his father until his own demise, but completely turned operation of the company over to the board of trustees, and spent the entirety of his adult life at various vacation spots, or attenting theater productions in far flung parts of the world. Rhajoon II donated enormous amounts of money to the Council for Quezlarian Research, reportedly in exchange for having it named after him. He funded the construction of the Folktown Amphitheatre on the site of the ruins of the ancient Amphitheatre, and, it would appear, coined the term Amphitheatre aristocracy. At one point, he got himself elected to Parliament, just to see if he could, and then promptly resigned. The story that he appointed his cat to a position of leadership in the company are completely false.

Got Quezlar

(-70 to -4 EC) The recently-deceased leader of the company attempted to distance himself from the attitudes of the generations before him, and decided to buckle down to business. He returned the company to its traditions of Fefferberry Wine production, and cut many of the other secondary products. Frozen Fefferpops were brought back after the protests of his own children. Unfortunately, the incident of the Darkened Lantern occurred during his tenure, and he never fully recovered from it personally, let alone professionally. The famous advertising campaign that bore his name is still studied in marketing schools around Ghyll.

Quiz Quezlar

(-59 to present) The current president and CEO of Quezlar's Quaff, Inc., and the wealthiest man in all of Ghyll. He seldom makes any public appearances, and is reported to be in poor health. However, he's also reported to be in great health, reported to have had cosmetic surgery to make him look like a cat, and reported to have died several years ago and to exist purely as press releases cooked up to boost public confidence in the company. Don't believe everything you read. He graciously granted me an interview, in which he told me a considerable amount of the detail that comprises this article. He assured me that the rumors about his bid for Parliament are unfounded, but he refused to comment on the recent rumors that Quezlar's Quaff contains hallucinogenic additives.

Quezlar 6

It almost goes without saying (and, indeed, did, until certain pedants got in the way) that the most famous of the Quezlars was Quezlar 6. What school child doesn't know of the exploits and shenanigans of Q6? Although a number of them are likely more myth than truth, here's a brief list of the things with which he is credited.

  • The invention of Quezlarian Numerals.
  • Being the first person in recorded history (other than Andelphracia) to have used Andelphracian Lights, in his triumphant crossing of the Elminster Mire.
  • Being the first person recorded to cross Elminster Mire.
  • First discovered Oooite.
  • One of only two people ever to have answered their Mystery.
  • Held the record for most Fefferberries consumed at a New Year's Day celebration. (Eye witnesses said it was simply staggering. Other eye witnesses also reported staggering.)

It is important to understand that the current batch of Quezlars tend to rather distance themselves from Quezlar 6, saying that he arrived at his fame through chance and circumstance, rather than any real talent, whereas, contrariwise, the Quezlar family arrived at their wealth through hard work. (And a considerable amount of chance, circumstance, and marketing. But who's counting?) Rhajoon the Elder was heard on more than one occasion saying to his son, "Son, you may be just Three, but you're twice the man 6 was!"

Citations: Council for Quezlarian Research, Fefferberry Folklore, Grephthosthenes.

--DrBacchus 18:18, 2 Feb 2005 (EST)

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