(Draft and final.)
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Revision as of 14:47, 30 September 2005
I'm making a list, and I'm checking it twice.
I will find out who's been naughty or nice.
A suspension is a public rebuking of an individual for something they have, or haven't, done. If you sleep with the wrong sort of person, you're a gentinal: suspended! If you mispronounce the aged and historic name of the town you're passing through (such as that of Prollztqx near Ungerry-Tubers): suspended! If you ask your rejah for the Answer to your Question: suspended! The rules for suspension are not laws: they're merely common courtesies, tradition!, you're expected to follow.
The symptoms of suspension differ from town to town: in most locales, you're given some sort of headgear to wear, most notably a hat, though bags, glasses, and ballgags have been used as well. Length of the suspension also differs depending on the transgression: the oldest known suspension has been three years, six months, and seventeen days. The crime? Stealing a homemade lollipop from a little girl, determining its secret family recipe, and then going into business selling them for hugely inflated prices, which violated no less than seven different traditions. The headgear inflicted was rose-infused glasses (particularly upsetting to the suspendee as she was allergic to roses). Her bloated, puffy, and mucous-riddled face, though nowadays only seen on the weekly Suspension Day (when new suspensions are handed out and all current suspendee's are publically and collectively chagrin'd), is an immediate indication of the severity of her infraction.
Watch out! Don't ever cry! Don't ever pout!
I'll tell you why: the Snipper is coming to town!
One of the more disturbing habits of suspension is the so-called Snipper, a masked and bearded vigilante who spirals through Ghyll proper, visiting each local town at least once or twice a year. His job is to end suspensions, but not in a happy-go-lucky way. If, at any time, a suspendee speaks out above his suspension, claiming it's unfair or misguided, the penalty too harsh or the duration too long, etc., the Snipper provides relief by ending the trial, though also the suspendee's life. I'd be remiss to say that more than one personal grudge has been finalized when the Snipper comes to town.
--Morbus Iff 12:15, 30 Sep 2005 (EDT)
With respect, Morbus, what on Ghyll does sleeping in the same nest with someone have to do with business? Or are you making some bizarre metaphorical extension from business to domesticity? Better reread the gentinality article. --John Cowan 14:47, 30 Sep 2005 (EDT)