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Doctor Phineas Crank, Ghyll Scholar

An odd, rather nervous looking fellow who is usually found with a book in hand. Most often a very obscure book on an even more obscure subject. Frequently, such books contain Things Mankind Was Not Meant To Know. But, just as often, they're books of non-rhyming poetry from some quotidian age.

"Doctor" Crank specializes in occult lore and linguistics. If possible, occult lore regarding linguistics or the linguistics of occult lore. His "credentials" are often questioned by more traditional scholars, but, as far as he's concerned, they can, well, the less said about that, the better. The Doctor has also spent some considerable time seeking strange tomes and observing the more unique flora and fauna in the Evesque Valley and the Sarfelogian Mountains as well as improving his marksmanship with the smooth-bore musket, which the natives there like so well. He has also been rumored on more than one occasion to have been passing through the Cranee area on his trusty Equestrian Beetle in quite a hurry, though no one has ever determined quite why. This, and other lapses in scholarly etiquette, has led many to speculate on his mental stability. The Doctor generally replies to such accusations with the same reply, namely, "Um, what? Sorry, I wasn't listening, did you say something important?"

Doctor Crank is currently semi-retired from the scholarly life. Though he has been approached by certain mysterious representatives of a better unmentioned shadowy organization regarding his memoirs, he prefers the life of a bachelor tenured professor, reading in solitude while watching the young coeds frisking about on the library quad.

While the Doctor Phineas Crank FAQ is unfortunately not available in full, you can see bits of it here and here.

Phineas Crank, Ghyll Player

Phineas Crank is the alter-ego of J.K. Hoffman, who hopes to be as pretentious as "Doctor" Crank one day, though he realizes that his spelling must improve quite a bit first. You can find more of his rantings at and even more computer "science" polemics at

I'd like to publicly lay claim to the dubious honor of being the only player who didn't miss an entry for the first round. Of course, all it won me was a forced job change and a divorce and not all my entries were particularly inspired, but, still, I'm the only one who managed it!

I've decided I need to keep track of interesting ideas for stuff for Ghyll in a notepad. Oh, and if you're looking for a "good" name to use in the game, try The Funny Name Generator, which was specially coded for Ghyll.

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