Wapsipinicon of Aghquabamticook

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dibs, --Nikos of Ant 12:51, 22 October 2005 (EDT)

Lord Wapsipinicon of Aghquabamticook is a name not much remembered but by a few in Iganefta and Iganefta-on-the-Sea. He was the second Lord-Mayor of Iganefta, installed under the revised constitution of –252 EC.


Born on the outskirts of the City of Settlements in –272 EC as Earl Wapsipin, second son of Theophane Rok Wapsipin and Barb Sipin, his was an idyllic world. Being the son of a Theophane allowed him access to some education (comprised mostly of fighting skills, spitting contests, and the two degrees of counting – important for land-owners at that time) as well as afforded him moments of leisure. His world was bound by his family estates and the City of Settlements to which it was attached, most especially to the nearby Settlement of Aghquabamticook.

His early years are undocumented as they were, truly, unimportant. His import began in the year –260 EC when the First Iganeftan Mercenary Company was established by Paul Glosford. This resulted in momentous changes in the life of the City of Settlements, most importantly being that the majority of tween gangs were wiped out, a great number of yuet gangs were absorbed, and Glosford became the biggest local "bigman" in the heart of the City of Settlements, so big in fact, that he changed his name to Glosfordshier and took control of the Iganeftan Council.

Now, at this time, the City of Settlements was comprised of thirteen Settlements and they were ruled over by the Iganeftan Council. This Council was comprised of Theophanes, Sub-Theophanes, and Counters who came from each of the Settlements. There were also the Rejahs, but they did not bother with the Council for their purview was not the whole of the City but only their own Settlement. These Rejahs were elected, as per normative custom, by the adult women of each Settlement (as well as two-thirds of eligible men), and their duties were simply to settle disputes brought before him or her. Whether by coincidence or cosmic confluence, one of the Rejahs within the City of Settlements in –260 EC was none other than Odgar IV.

Even though the presence of Rejah Odgar did have some effect on the peoples of his jurisdiction, it did not preclude nor hinder the criminal activities in the remaining Settlements. Tween-gangs such as the Dead Crabbits and the Ungrateful We’re Still Living Posse were known and feared during the –270s and –260s. The inability of the Rejahs to affect said gangs and the ineptitude of the Iganeftan Council to get rid of them led to the take-over by Glosford. The take-over by Glosford, in turn, led many of the noble families to reconsider their position in this society.

During the two decades before the take-over, life at the Waksipin Manor flowed normaly, with puking, spitting, fielding, and managering (activities that were the norm for the aristocratic families of that age). Indeed, Theophane Rok and his son Brat had managed to increase their lands by multiple fuffles (a local unit) while keeping the assemblage of chums and bottlenecks content with sugar-water and ample opportunity to "defend" their range. With the take-over, however, the Family Wapsipin, along with the Families Chub, Tooke, Baugh, and Icon saw themselves as a moral voice (as well as seeing their lands in dire jeopardy of being confiscated) and protested this seizure, but as Glosford now had his Mercenary Company and had rallied the bands of local soldiers from each of the Settlements under the banner of the Furious Apple, these protests proved ineffective.

Even as Paul Glosford, now naming himself Lord Frederick Paul Glosfordshier, took the title of Lord-Mayor of Iganefta, the most famous of the rejahs, Odgar IV remained unconcerned and distant. There have been proffered numerous possibilities as to why he did nothing to stay the tide of Glosford’s dictatorship, but what is known for certain is that within three years the number of troubles discussed by Odgar’s local people increasingly involved the Lord-Mayor and his Mercenaries. In –257 EC, however, Glosfordshier, accompanied by his Mercenaries, politely petitioned the Rejah to keep his Court opinions to matters that didn’t involve him or his Mercenaries – the Rejah politely and litigiously accepted the petition.

Glosford ruled Iganefta from –260 EC to –252 EC when an ad hoc Committee of Public Safety assassinated him.

During these eight years the Wapsipin Family did all it could to keep their lands out of the hands of Glosford, as well as to rally the other Families of the City of Settlements to the cause of reducing the dictator’s powers. This effort proved mostly fruitless in the direct, but it did create the atmosphere which allowed for the ultimate demise of said dictator.

In –258 EC Rok’s son Earl Wapsipin married the lovely Nadia Icon and as was the custom he took her name to his own becoming Earl Wapsipinicon. Earl’s elder brother Chuk would have married her but for the fact that he was dead – a casualty of a "misunderstanding" between Chuk and about thirteen Mercenaries one rainy night. The death of Chuk at the hands of Glosford’s men broke the spirit of the Family Patriarch, Rok. It was his wife, the Matriarch Barb, who filled the void of leadership and catapulted her son Earl into the fore of defending their way of life.

The bulk of the history of Iganefta is found within a miasma of written and oral fact, tale and rumor. The "known" life of Lord Earl Wapsipinicon is an unruly mess and this here scholar refuses to print hogwash and antpuke. So here follows an outline of the most reliable of the information:

-272 EC Earl Wapsipin born
-260 EC Paul Glosford executes the take-over of the Iganeftan Council
-258 EC Brat Wapsipin murdered by members of the First Iganeftan Mercenary Company
-258 EC Earl Wapsipin marries Nadia Icon, changes name to Earl Wapsipinicon
-257 EC Earl Wapsipinicon takes on authority of Theophane when his father, Rok, steps down; Earl is fifteen years of age

from between –257 and –252 Theophane Earl Wapsipinicon, with his mother and wife, attempt to organize the fractured nobility against the absolutist power of Glosford. This results in varied successes and many failures as the nobility was not unified nor did they possess, for the most part, the courage necessary for the endeavors suggested.

-253 EC the so-called Battle of Little Puk occurs in which "a score of Mercenaries were beaten by Theophane Wapsipinicon" but in truth these "Mercenaries" were only a bewildered contingent of Skwyres (premolt Mercenaries-in-training); regardless, Theophane Wapsipinicon is hailed a hero.
-252 EC the ad hoc Committee of Public Safety assassinates the dictator Glosford
-252 EC the ad hoc Committee of Canons writes a revised Constitution
-251 EC the Constitution of the Iganeftan Peoples was accepted by the nobility and merchants
-251 EC Earl Wapsipinicon is elected as the new Lord-Mayor

In –252 EC, with the Dictator dead, what remained of the nobility coalesced to retake their power. They were met, however, by the group of merchants who comprised the ad hoc Committee of Public Safety. The merchants were in no hurry to relinquish their authority and they were the ones to whom the populace now looked up to in awe. At this time Rejah Odgar IV attempted to intervene with, as he called it, his "words of wisdom," but he was rebuffed by both merchants and nobility as the "man who did nothing." To resolve this confrontation they formed a Committee of Canons comprised of one-half merchant and nobility alike. They chose the name Canons for its Olkuul play on the concept of "weapon" and of "law" and among the members of this Committee was the Matriarch Wapsipin.

The Committee worked for over six months to create a viable Constitution; the most renowned of these Constitutionalists were the Matriarch Wapsipin, Sub-Theophane Kraft, and the men who came to be called the Three Wise Rejahs: Jeffers, Franklyn, and Madson. By –251 EC a new and revised Constitution of the Iganeftan Peoples was drafted and accepted. It did not abolish all the changes which Glosford had instituted when he became the first Lord-Mayor, but it did modify and reduce the power that said Lord-Mayor would control.

The first Decree of the new Body Politic was to elect Theophane Earl Wapsipinicon to the post of Lord-Mayor of Iganefta. The second Decree was to dismember the now stinking corpse of Glosford and display large pieces of it in the Thirteen Settlements as well as place his head in the Council Hall as an omen to any would-be dictator.

This same year, –251 EC, Odgar IV who had been ignored by the Constitutionalists, the nobility and the merchants, introduced to his Iganeftan Court the Board of the Wise. Whether his plan was to woo the people and the rulers back to him is not known for certain, but if it was, it backfired. Odgar IV staffed the Board mostly with transplanted Folktowners (the folk to whom he had grown to love) and the elite of Iganefta saw no need to acknowledge this "foreign" Board while the locals had a hard time even understanding the Folktown dialect.

Within his first year as Lord-Mayor, Earl Wapsipinicon devoted his time straightening up the mess that had been left behind by years of bribery, threats, and murder by Glosford. This was not easy to accomplish as many in the guild-world were now accustomed to certain "practices." To make matters worse, a number of Theophanes and Sub-Theophanes were causing trouble as they wished a return to the pre-Lord days. The Rejahs mostly went on, as they always had, settling disputes – but Odgar IV continued changing the way he did things – he began instituting "reforms" as he called them, and this was having an effect on some of the other Rejahs as well as certain of the Theophanes and merchants.

It was in –250 EC, however, that Odgar IV hit upon another act to make both his stature in the world and hopefully his status in Iganefta more great: the Iganefta-to-Folktown Causeway. At first this was received as a marvelous idea by one and all, but within one year it turned sour for the Iganeftans. Lord-Mayor Wapsipinicon tried in vain to control Odgar and his "reforms" which were in the most part pro-Folktown. He attempted to organize the merchants and the guilds as a unified force, but their own avarice was too much to funnel. In the end, most of the causeway work was contracted out to Folktown guilds – the Ditch-Diggers Guild, the Stone-Masonrics Guild, the Pound-Sand Guild, etc. Though construction began on the outskirts of Iganefta, once the Folktown guildsmen realized how far the work was from their homes, how unwieldy was the terrain near Iganefta (compared to the lands roundabout Folktown) and how poor and ignorant and money-hungry were the Iganeftan peoples (at least in the eyes of the Folktowners), they ceased their work here and concentrated on the Folktown area. Within a short time the Iganefta-to-Folktown Causeway became known as the Folktown-to-Iganefta Causeway and Odgar IV was discredited yet again in his own backyard. By this time, however, Odgar IV may not have cared, for – since he was summarily ignored during the process of re-constituting the politics of Iganefta - he took it upon himself to re-charter the Court and Parliament of Folktown.

Lord-Mayor Wapsipinicon was still having trouble with the nobility and the merchants, but he was now also having trouble with the soldiery of the Iganeftan Settlements. Since the death of Glosford the soldiers were kept from mindlessly harassing the local folk and they were getting restless. Luckily, or by divine intervention, in –249 EC the Extraordinarily Bloodless Revolution broke out. Wapsipinicon saw this as a way to allow the antsy soldiers to vent their unspent aggression. They "went to war" as was wont to say under the banner of the Furious Apple which had now become the symbol of the sitting Royal Family of Iganefta – ie Lord-Mayor Wapsipinicon. During this conflict these men, with their hammer-topped pikes and distinctive badge, came to have the name of Pickers. Though some historians believe that it was the enemy that came first to be called apple-pickers as men who picked off and kicked, bit, spit upon, and otherwise embarrassed the Apple-men of Iganefta, mainstream scholars say this was not so. It must be noted that although the Dictator Glosford had been dead for three years and his power diffused amongst the remaining nobility and merchants, the soldiers themselves had little sense of this. They marched under the Furious Apple as homage to the dead Lord-Mayor Frederick Paul Glosfordshier, while Wapsipinicon simply shrugged his shoulders and let them march and fight.

In –247 EC the Causeway was completed with a ribbon-tying event at both ends (a grand feast then commenced in Folktown while in Iganefta a few bums, idlers, and vagrants pissed on the new cobblestones of the entryway). Lord-Mayor Wapsipinicon was still dealing with the strains of administration. His mother had been helping him since day one and she urged him to take a break. He did so and left on holiday to Glosford’s old summer palace in Thungerbarg. The Lord and his Lady went together and when they returned to Iganefta, she was with seed.

In his absence, the Matriarch took the reigns, and she soon earned a name which has stuck to her memory like honey to a suckle: the Barb of Iganefta. Her most public enemy was Odgar IV, though she never referred to him as such. By this time he was completely comfortable in his Folktown-centric mentality and he used his new institutions (the majority of which were working themselves out quite nicely in Folktown but were imperceptable in Iganefta) to further his aims. It was while her son, the Lord-Mayor was in Thungerbarg, that Odgar made his historic claim. Citing the Grand Declaration, he said that the source of his authority was the Court and Parliament of Folktown; he also said that he personally could wield the post of Field Marshall of the Folktown Militia for life. The Matriarch and the nobility of Iganefta began to wonder a great deal more of the intentions of this arrogant, odd, and rude rejah. Luckily nothing like an uprising of Folktown against Iganefta ever happened from –247 EC to –239 EC when Odgar IV died.

On the day of Odgar’s death we know that he had had a visit by "that roving minstrel" and that they had a private audience together. To this day it is unknown what occurred but shouting was heard and when the Court attendants broke into the room, the minstrel was gone and Odgar was dead. The minstrel was never found and many say that the Iganeftan nobility spirited him away – some say that the Matriarch Wapsipin paid the minstrel to assassinate Odgar, others say that she and the other nobility only took advantage of his death and thanked the minstrel by getting him away safely.

Regardless, after the death (which cause is decreed "Murder" in Folktown records and "Unknown" in Iganeftan records) Folktown took up the reigns of its own governing and officially "re-positioned" the Court of Odgar IV by dedicating a local music hall as its new location, while the Iganeftan Court of nobility and merchants dismantled the actual Settlement courthouse and elected to quash the post of rejah from that Settlement altogether. The homes, alleys, and outhouses of this Settlement were subsequently partitioned among its neighboring Settlements and its name was stricken from the Roll (hence its "nameless" status to this day).

Only one year later, in –238 EC, Lord-Mayor Earl Wapsipinicon was again in Thungerbarg on holiday. While there he suffered an unfortunate and fatal accident, the official record being Ponce Gardening Accident. The populace of Iganefta was so despondent that they spontaneously elected his wife Nadia to the post of Lord-Mayor (although many believe that the Matriarch Wapsipin had something to do with that "spontaneous" election). For the next five years she would serve as leader to Iganefta furthering her husband’s name and was known as the Widow Lord-Mayor.

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