Bobby "Robert" Shwarmph putatively edits "Aliens Everywhere" magazine, but hasn't been seen or heard from by credible sources since -4/7/22 EC, after he apparently went into seclusion for reasons known only to him at the time of writing. Research reveals all of Shwarmph's known personal and business matters have been handled by associate and confidante "Easy" Lizzard after that date. Folktown Records #519 reported he may--or may not--have been the victim of a freak ball lightning accident, suffering searing burns across his throat which left him scarred and speechless. The article also hints he may have been the victim of foul play. However, our interviews with former associates indicate Shwarmph was mostly driven into plain old alcohol addiction after a vaguely documented incident during his factfinding trip to the Alezan ruins near his home.
Shwarmph has been accused of using his popular tabloid to promote subliminal conspiracy memes against his political adversaries, but not even his most strident critics seem to remember what evidence they had against him on this point. Few of them remain in office or retain any semblance of their former importance, so their names probably aren't worth mentioning here. He is a member of the Brothers of the Lantern, and published a paper in that organization's scholarly journal as a student in -14 EC. In that text, he rejected AuroAnthropology as a doctrinal heresy and held that light is the product of electromagnetic radiation, and that it has little or no bearing on human behavior. He also rejected the concept that social behavior could be studied by scientific investigations. It is not known if this conservative paradigm is actually held by other members of the Brotherhood- or even Shwarmph himself, given this and some of his magazine's own conspiracy theories may be subversive efforts at social engineering.
Or, as his own magazine frequently posits, "is that what they want you to think?"
Shwarmph is said to be a veteran of the Conflict That Is Not Happening, serving as a platoon leader in the Tarkherk Corps. This is widely accepted as fact even though it has proved impossible to verify since the relevant authorities have refused to confirm or deny that the conflict is taking place.
Shwarmph's adoptive brother, Edward, is rumored to be his son by either actress Izadora Gutschtup, or an Alezanian- depending on the rumormonger. Records involving the younger Shwarmph's parentage/origin remain sealed by the courts, but he remains a powerful figure in certain academic circles.
The reclusive Bobby Shwarmph is scheduled to produce an anthology called "Aliens, Anywhere?" with the Academy of Conspiracy Theologists press in the fall of 0 EC. Drafts of the preface released to a select figures of note for comment are highly sought after among the academics, collectors, and the press- but access has been tightly controlled by Shwarmph. One purported draft, with forged "certificate of authenticity," was recently debunked by a sharp-eyed scholar at the Aerensplay Bazaar. The vendor was reportedly asking 4,900 Quezloos for the faked luminous manuscript.
--Bast ResNovae, 01:02, 12 Sep 2004 (EDT)