Fijjit Mejora is a gigantic and overly joyous jiggling mass of pink pachyderm. Not only is he pleasantly plump and gargantuanly giddy, he also wants you to be the happiest you can be, and will go to great ends to accomplish this. I gotta tell ya, folks, the thought of a humongous blob of quivering flesh with a wriggling tentacle nose barreling down on you with intentions of hugging and cuddling... well, let's just say my blood races.
Or, at least, that's what he's become. Fijjit Mejora can be traced back to one of the most popular and friendliest courier pachyderms from the mid -80's. Back then, the couriers were still trying to convince concerned citizens there was no danger in using the wrinkled beasts (although rival TransAvian keeps up the anti-pachyderm propaganda to this day). The cornerstone of their safety campaign was Fijjit Mejora, the mellowest damn 'derm they could find. After a few (behind closed doors) training sessions with a giant stick, Fijjit was soothing the unconvinced and giving candy to babies. The safety plan worked too well: after the "docile" nature of the beasts was ably demonstrated by Fijjit, the same meddling citizens requested a "brute force" to protect the "poor dermmies".
When Fijjit was retired in -79 EC, shortly before DermPachyges was formed, he began travelling the entertainment circuit, further solidifying the strength of their purported pachyderm pacifism. His most popular venue was Baleman, and the last years of his life played out on their stage, one of the two large enough to support his weight. Fijjit died in the Earthquake of Fluyr in -75 EC, trumpeting a happy song even as the seating began to crumble. A hero and role-model to the very end, the few remaining survivors of the travesty still shakily hum his dying notes.
A moment, please.
Since his untimely death, Fijjit has evolved into an icon of happiness and joy, always there when a frown needs turning the other way. Fijjit is owned by no one - you simply can't put a price on the values his image instills into children. His message of glee has appeared in children's novels:
See Fijjit fly. Fly, Fijjit, fly!
Watch Fijjit giggle. Giggle, Fijjit, giggle!
Fijjit flies and giggles, giggles and flies!
*POKE* *giggle* *POKE* *giggle* *POKE*
Bwahahaha... Fijjits fly!
To "fun pages" in the back of magazines:
N R S E D G E M Y A C E M L P G S O T H Y H N J CAN YOU FIND THESE WORDS? G N P M I O P E D E R E S O G R S W O E A E P H O ------------------------- R H S Y I G E T P U J I I U S G Y G R I O I N I C T A P J R J E H J T O N U E S I A S I E U O A happiness, fijjit, mejora I N Y P E E G L G A O E R O L S S I I P E E N S E D H Q C P N H U R N L Y D A H E A H T L E D E S prehensile, squish, joyous H S T H C I H G O P N I O P D B P D I N E E E S O O O O P D S N P S R L Y E U E H J S T S W I G D O pachyderm, erect, futility E E E P S U N E A H N I L I S E N H C G E O H R U E N E H E L G I S N O Y L Y E E U E S I O J P O I desire, sharing, giggle S E N D U R C N U S R M O H S N L G G C A Y U H A S P I I I T B I I S P D E I D S N L O C I E huggybunny, googlyeyes I N S C H C Y S E E I R A I G T Y E H K S E T C E H T D E G G S E G U P S N S E E N Y N T O Y E S how do you do, respect N Y H P G R S A O Y M G E E Y O D A H N U S T L J E S U N H D S Y O J I G O E I E H N H S M S E I please, condescending, Y E H G C L O I H H N S S T R T J H D H I N U G R E O Y E P O R C E I H I A M L R D J E Y O U H K thank you, inspiration E J G D R D T I H S A E R O H L M G E G L D D Q M O U E M I Y E P R R I T E S A S M I S M A Y N S enthusiasm W T K W J S C P I H P L S W S C S E I G A S N G P N Y O J N J I N Y S E D R I M E G S E S G E I D N D H I H T G E N O N P E W I G G J U E O L L G F Y F R A A Y D I S R E E S D P S S E R C T T E P F T I C D O Y N R O Y R P E E Y O S G H H W E I G
And the funny pages themselves:
PANEL 1: Fijjit is standing in a pile of mud. He looks confused and slightly worried.
PANEL 2: An andelight appears over Fijjit's head. He's now smiling, satisifed.
PANEL 3: Fijjit is smearing mud all over himself. "Mud for the memories!"
He has even appeared in fan fiction:
Fijjit turned toward Andelphracia. "Dearest Lady, is it true these beautiful lights I've attached to my nose are your creations? Look how they shine and sparkle! If they are yours, it must be known that you illuminate me!"
"Kindest Olephent, my lights are but mere trifles when compared to the majesty of your painted toenails, your decorated nose, and your powdered ears!", she responded, blushing slightly at his kind words but more because of the way he looked at her.
Toeing the dirt with his beautiful pedicure, Fijjit looked toward the horizion. "I think it's time, my Lady", he said. Andelphracia nodded glumly. If anyone was going to stop the spread of the Avians, it had to be now and it had to be them. She reached out a hand, barely meeting the bottom of Fijjit's ears. She knew what came next would be difficult, but only the birth of a transcendent could stop the growing evil.
"Shall we ride?"
And some rather despicable gruff fiction:
At this time of night, the elifont graveyard was cloaked in a cloud of fog and fervor, mist and misery. It was a good time to die. As Fijjit looked down at his struggling captive, his nose twitched. Those bonds were made of the stickiest brown fluid, and her attempts to escape merely created more opportunity to watch her thonged ass move back and forth. He knew she was teasing him... she knew no release was forthcoming, but perhaps a good show could increase her chance for survival.
Tonight wasn't about her survival, though. It was about what happened after she was dead, choked from behind. Fijjit got shivers up and down his nose - he couldn't wait!
Regardless how Fijjit is remembered, his bedtime stories are the most retold throughout modern Ghyll, inspiring numerous children to lead a life of humility, kindness, and compassion. Those who do naught to the world should not be blamed for their sins, but instead educated correctly with the warmth of Fijjit.
--Morbus Iff 23:44, 21 Oct 2004 (EDT)