Ghyllian excretion

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Ghyllian excretion is one of the more commonly known facets of life, but there is so much to it which is still a mystery. For example, why is the excretion sometimes pink or green? Is there some meaning to it? Well, actually, there is and I'll get to that in a minute. Another term by which this is called is splak. Generally speaking, it's a bad thing, but it serves a good purpose.

In -2100 EC, an unnamed scholar decided to perform various tests to determine the properties of the excretion and he discovered several properties and a few oddities. For starters, that smell which comes from the excretion is actually the smell of the last couple of meals eaten; this is most noticed when a Ghyllian is on a strict diet of one particular food. The part of the smell which is considered disgusting is actually the site of the excretion. One of the tests the unnamed scholar performed was a blind-folded smell test and the excretion was found to smell almost as good as the original food, until the blindfold was removed, at which point the person being tested crammed the excretion into the scholar's face; hence the expression "splak in your eye" as a form of being rude to someone who did something rude to you first.

Another property discovered was that the consistency of the excretion never varied; this continues to hold true to this day. This is where the expression "May your splak remain as always" comes from. Generally, this is used as a farewell to someone who you know very well. It can be taken the wrong way if used in a different context than what is usual for its use.

One of the oddities of Ghyllian excretion is its color. Normally, it is white with a black spot near the middle. When a Ghyllian is going through icfromilious, the excretion usually tends to be more pink in color. It has been discovered that this is due to the internal changes occurring during this stage of life. When a Ghyllian is of generally poor health, the excretion can be a bright green color, due to the Ghyllian's stomach acids being weakened by the sickness and mixing in with the excretion as it's excreted. Apparently, Ghyllian stomache acid is green.

The other oddity discovered by the unnamed scholar is the use of Ghyllian excretion as a form of planting food. The green excretion has been shown to increase the productivity of any plant to which it is applied. This increase is shown in larger fruits, better tasting vegetables and more firm berries. The pink excretion, however, has the opposite effect and is often used by farmers to kill unwanted plants and other pests. Normal excretion is usually gathered in one place and left to its own devices.

The phrase "Burning the midnight splak" originated around -1525 EC when several Ghyllians discovered the wonderful feelings they had when they would light up a splak stick and inhale the fumes from it. They apparently did this at midnight when Perky is at its fullest phase. Why they were lighting up splak in such a manner is beyond the scope of this article. Due to the consistency of excretion, the stick is usually covered in flour or some other thickening agent over night and then smoked the next night.

The final property of Ghyllian excretion was discovered in -1206 EC and has proven to be most valuable. Ghyllian excretion can be mixed with yellow powder found in various mines and caverns and with several herbs which are grown all over Ghyll. This concoction, when mixed properly and allowed to dry, is combustible and can be used to create dazzling displays of light and noise. Modifying what herbs are used in the mixture changes the color of the light and the type of excretion used can affect the noise created. Many effects have been heard, all the way from a simple quiet toot to a full blast of trumpting sounds. In -503 EC, Thou Greatly Heeded founded the Color and Noise Foundation in Ellensworth and began donating all his splak for Ghyllian research. He is not to be confused with Thou Greatly Headed who merely thought he was important enough to donate his splak for research, but was denied when he said, "My splak is worth all the money in the world!" He was beheaded shortly thereafter.

Citations: Icfromilious, Splak, Perky.

--Trousle Undrhil 17:13, 1 Jul 2005 (EDT)

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