Grimporke Grimoire

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The Grimporke Grimoire takes its name from the bad ham which is believed to have inspired it, said ham having lain about after a great feast and rolled in both spilt Ball Lightning Liqueur and soured Fefferberry juice before being ingested by the unctuous author, one Ibaan Malmiz. Ser Malmiz, also known as the Drunken Prophet, was quite infamous in his foolhardy explorations of both occult lore and dubious culinary "delights". In spite of this, the Loony Loolier, as he was called due to his fascination with said tribe, made a regular diet of this unholy concoction. It is believed that this odd culinary choice fueled many of his subsequent visions.

In any case, Ser Malmiz claimed on more than one occasion to have plumbed the secret depths of knowledge of not only the Sarfelogian Mountains but also the ritual secrets of the ancient Looliers. He spent a great amount of time recording his various discoveries as a virtual hermit in the cactus forests, far from the mountains for which he is known. It is said that he was shunned by the few natives of that land because he was quite visibly and materially haunted by a rather large shining spirit that took a shape not unlike that of a great, pink Aelfant, though he was often the only one who could see it, without the "aid" of his favorite pork dish. Indeed, shortly after announcing, via postal mail, to a former colleague that he had completed his unholy work, he was seen by a local tribesman being carried off at great speed by that self-same spirit, and he has not been heard from since!

In Malmiz's terrible memoir, he claimed to have seen fabulous Sayaziha, or City of Spheres, and to have found beneath the ruins of a certain nameless desert town the shocking annals and secrets of a race older than Ghyllkind. He was rumored to be a member of the Brothers of the Lantern, but, if he was, he was only an indifferent Brother, and was no doubt expelled for worshipping the unknown entities whom he called Mmyogurt and Leemonje'lo.

In later years, this Fefferberry-defiled text was translated into Olkuull by the infamous occult scholar, Maximilian Thaddeus Dossleham. A very limited number of these translations were circulated, but one slightly damaged copy managed to eventually find its way to the hands of Agwa Reeum in his ocean-front home, Iganefta-on-the-Sea, where he translated it yet again into Untch, which has long been favored by scholars of occult lore as a lingua franca.

This edition was quite widely reprinted, though it was later almost successfully suppressed by the Brotherhood. It is believed that at least one copy of this edition is in the library of the Karcist League, though, of course, none of the League members have been available for comment. Another, apparently incomplete copy, was known to be in possession of Hirum Paul Macklefoot during his tenure at the University of Havernot as Dean of the Department of Occult Science. He translated that copy into our own sublime language, intending to use it as a text book for his "First, Do No Harm" class for advanced students of occultology. Unfortunately, he disappeared under somewhat mysterious circumstances while on holiday in the Sarfelogian Mountains. His original copy, from which he was working, was with him when he departed for parts unknown, and we are left with his quite interesting, but definitely incomplete, translation. This translation is still in the archives of the University, along with what few notes Professor Macklefoot left behind.

The Macklefoot version of the text is what most occult scholars know today; it has been widely redistributed under several printers and printings, though it is still rumored that significant portions have been left out of the publicly available editions. Another copy, apparently also made from the Reeum copy, was translated and resides in Bute University, though it is unknown how much of that edition is missing. In fact, that edition itself has not been seen in some time and may have gotten lost in the "clocktower incident". It is rumored that certain formulae in this book, along with assistance from the Stone of Wisdom, will allow the deceased to go on about their business "like unto a living man".

Citations: Brothers of the Lantern, Looliers, Stone of Wisdom.

--Stottlemeyer O'Phelan 00:10, 30 Oct 2004 (EDT)


Our investigation has determined that this article was in fact written by Doctor Phineas Crank. His manuscript was stolen by Stottlemeyer O'Phelan and then submitted under his own name and (to add insult to injury) after the deadline. However, because its content is considered sufficiently important, it has been allowed to escape the Mighty Stomp of Morbus. In order that this action not set a pernicious precedent, O'Phelan has been summarily banned from further participation in this encyclopedia. --The Encyclopedants

Ah! So that's where those notes went! Well, that's the last time I use that double-dealing, sneak-thief O'Phelan for a research assistant! At least the information has come to light. Perhaps now Ghyll may know some small fraction of the truth about the Other Side. --Doctor Phineas Crank 11:21, 30 Oct 2004 (EDT)

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