Hemoss The Heretic
Hemoss The Heretic, now dead, seemed to revel in statements that were quite contradictory toward normal and accepted belief of the time. And, unlike Rancticirchiretic, he made no attempt to back up his research, instead choosing to shout out the most opposing thought at the time hoping, like Quacky Shwarmph, that he'd eventually hit upon the truth. Some of his more popular household ruminations include:
- "Altoxian Bulb gel is a facade built around cheap Andelphracian Lights! The gel isn't real!" In fact, Iganefta's Altoxian Bulbs were a cheap alternative to the Evesque Valley's Andelphracian Lights, and the trade war between them is the most (in)visible part of the Conflict That Is Not Happening. Unfortunately, Hemoss was never able to shrug away the "congratulatory" dumping of a barrel filled with gel on his sixty third birthday. "I'm not 63, I'm 39!" he would shout, "And that's not the gel, tha... ooh, hello, loOoveelLy ladddIIieee..."
- "Awal shrinkage! The damn lights go off when you're sleeping! But, when you're making noise, they're bright! 2 plus 2 equals the gel isn't real!" This one doesn't deserve much explanation, I'd think.
- "Quezlar 6 is a figment for your exploitations!" This one is nearly believable, but only because most of 6's exploits are actually fictionalized and legendary Fish-Tree stories used to inspire confidence in the majesty of Ghyll and the importance of polite and respectable living. Of course, when Hemoss blurted out this revelation, 6 had only been dead, what, a few dozen years, and there was plenty of truth confirming his existence and his travels. The "truth" of this particular statement today is only evident due to the effects of memory and embellishment. Hemoss would have been quite pleased with this development, pedestalling it as evidence of his skill.
- "Anaximancers are the Creator's Mechanaut!" Impossible to verify and nearly pointless to do so, his admonition that these conjurers are some sort of divine mini-Creator-creation, sent by their "father" to continue his work while he sleeps, earned him his "Heretic" monniker (and, as the ostracized often do, he wore it proudly as a badge).
There have been various labellings of "Great Heresies", but Hemoss never much liked the idea - he fought constantly to have all his proclamations labeled equally, feeling anything less would diminish their individual importance. This scholar tends to think his views on Anaximancers was his greatest, if not because of its permanent naming consequence, but also for its delicious religious repercussions were it true.
--Morbus Iff 13:58, 8 Jul 2005 (EDT)