Spelgof

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Ah, it's many a time that the acrid bite of spelgof has awakened me in my laboratory just in time to avert disaster. I have lost count of how often I have run experiments involving Awal shrinkage, not for the lovely orange lights, but just so I could collect the bilious vomit of my favorite Mute Chukarando and harvest the precious spelgof to be had therein. Indeed, I find the vapors more intoxicating that even Winelust Syrup, which has lured so many Deathbug researchers to their untimely demise.

And so, it is with heavy heart that I must confess... My name is Doctor Phineas Crank, and I am a Spelgof Addict. Luckily, I have the Twelve Steps of Spelgof Addict's Anonymous to help me out.

The Twelve Steps of Spelgof Addicts Anonymous

  1. We admitted we were powerless over spelgof -- that our Awal shrinkage experiments had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of Vulcrue as we understood It.
  4. Made a fairly searching and pretty fearless inventory of our laboratories and Mute Chukarandos pens.
  5. Admitted to Vulcrue, to ourselves, and to another Encyclopedant the exact nature of our spelgof abuse.
  6. Were entirely ready to have Vulcrue remove all the spelgof in our possession.
  7. Humbly asked It to remove our spelgof.
  8. Made a list of all Encyclopedants, editors and other "little people" we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all, or at least pay their cleaning bill.
  9. Made direct amends to such beings wherever possible, except when they were "little people", or when to do so would injure them or others, but mainly us.
  10. Continued to take personal inventory of our laboratories and when we were out of spelgof promptly admitted it.
  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with Vulcrue as we understood It, praying only for knowledge of where we could find more spelgof without getting caught and the power to carry that out.
  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to other spelgof addicts, and to talk them into giving us their nasty old spelgof.

Citations: Awal shrinkage, Vulcrue, Winelust Syrup.

--Doctor Phineas Crank 20:53, 17 Feb 2005 (EST)


Quite clever indeed - your actions appear to suggest one of the more viable methods of "infinite spelgof" I've seen. Allow me to make my own list of steps, such that I may benefit from your discovery: 1) start with a small supply of spelgof, 2) befriend a Mute Chukarando, 3) place Mute Chukarando in your laboratory, eye-level with your experients, 4) begin the process of Awal shrinkage with the spelgof, 5) wait for the lights to cause your Chukarando to vomit, 6) harvest more spelgof from its vomit, 7) repeat ad infinitum. Brilliance! --Morbus Iff 11:49, 21 Feb 2005 (EST)

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